I saw red! I was nuclear angry. And it came in a flash with such strength behind it I surprised myself. As I crashed my way out the door in maybe the biggest rage I had ever experienced I had an angry narrative running through my head. I slammed the door of the car and threw it into gear, heading for the beach. F**k the world!
Anger. It destroys peace of mind. It can damage relationships, being the opposite to those relationship nurturing qualities of understanding, kindness and compassion. It eats up joy and even leaves physical effects of damage on the heart that are distinguishable by MRI. A Harvard study has shown that anger literally breaks your heart. It also down-regulates immunity – you can make yourself more sick by being angry. Long term effects of anger include depression, heart disease, cancer, gastro-intestinal disorders, insomnia, stroke and other problems.
A hostile heart is a vulnerable heart.
Anger is a heart based emotion which creates a faster heart beat and activation of the Autonomic Sympathetic response.  Your body is flooded with adrenalin and cortisol. Your blood pressure shoots up and respiration increases. Initially your attention is focused but very quickly processes like memory and attention are down regulated. And the gut gets involved with action! Gutsy but not always wise action to stop the cause of the anger – maybe for physical self-protection but not usually well thought out. In the meantime the head is coming up with all sorts of meanings and perceptions that feed and maybe justify the angry outburst.
When you delve further anger is a feeling induced by perceived loss, hurt or transgression of values.
Values are held in the heart. If for example, the value of freedom is something that you hold dear (it is important to you and therefore of 'high value') and something happens that makes you think that your freedom is now lost, anger shows, and you can light up like a firecracker at the mere suggestion of further loss.
If you hold a value of safety highly, and somebody cuts you off in the car on the roundabout, the head stories or perception show you that your own values are being transgressed. And you get angry at them. You know all those stories about their rubbish driving and questionable character! You may feel motivated to take steps to make things right – but this is done from the stressed out, angry perspective and is usually regretted at a later time - aka road rage from flipping the bird to something way worse.
Anger is not a positive adaptive response but shows that it is time to look for the heart based value that you feel is being violated. And like all emotions, anger needs to be acknowledged and can also show you that there is opportunity for growth and perspective. Finding this value takes the sting out of the anger and you feel you are more in control.
If you find you have anger and need a coach to help you decipher what it means, please reach out to one.Â
An mBIT trained coach will expertly assist you in looking at the three areas of wisdom that have something to say about the anger. You will find skills in overcoming the aggression and respond, rather than react, as you accept responsibility and find control. Achieve your outcomes in a more positive way, finding harmony in relationships that you may not have experienced before.
So I calmed down. The narrative I had been running was not at all the situation. The poor person I had directed my anger at was confused - and innocent. Breathing calmly, looking at the waves of the ocean, I realised what the real issue was. My heart was telling me that my value of choice and the way that was being sold out was the issue. Knowing that I wanted to protect the relationship (another high value), I was able to find a new way to work around the issue that preserved that choice. Then it took great reserves of gutsy courage to apologise! And a week later I came down with a cold!!!!