Using Words To Pop The Bubble

I was at an exercise class last week and one of the women was telling us of her son and the success he has had with his chosen career. It seems that in order to go further he must go abroad to a country with greater prospects than here. 

We were all congratulatory and living in this woman’s bubble of success and excitement, when a voice cut through it.

‘Ah sure, but why? When he comes back he won’t be able to work’. She was full of lament and foreboding, doom and gloom.

Whaaaaat? Simply because of something might happen, this woman thought it worth not pursuing?

Well the bubble popped and we got on with the class.

Another time I overhead a young chap interviewed by a caseworker. This fellow wanted to work in the air mechanic field. The caseworker was supportive as this fellow was very interested in this particular career path. His mother, however, took the opportunity to remind him how he hadn’t coped with stress before and therefore didn’t want to go ‘there’ again. The poor kid had to argue with his mother, in the office, that he wanted to work and had finally found something that his heart wanted too. But his voice was sounding like a little boy’s voice as his courage to standing up to his mother, about his own future was faltering.  The mother seemed to prefer her son to be at home, safe and out of work. 

How often do you hear from well meaning but ‘unaware’ friends or family that they only expect failure and rejection? Weight loss, giving up habits, change in career, direction in life, even if you are going to take another holiday - how often do they seem to prefer you stay in the rut that you may be in. They are well meaning yet seem to not think for a minute that your life is for you to live and your path is for you to follow, and celebrate with you in that. They feel more comfortable with you staying as you are.

It is well known that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. Jim Rohn

Those five people shape you. They have the greatest impact on your thinking and decisions. 

Notice how some people focus on ‘lower level’ conversations, full of fear and ego – gossip, complaining, unhappy and weary, entitled and blaming. Contrast that type of person to the ‘higher level’ conversations which discuss purpose, love and self-improvement, responsibility and compassion, courage and creativity. They laugh with you rather than at you and the laughter is honest and encouraging.

So it is certainly best that you make sure you are discerning about whom you are with. It is important to be around positive, supportive people. Not always those that agree with you but are able to have a robust conversation with you regarding pros and cons, as you progress in your life. If that is sometimes not possible coat yourself in Teflon and let that negativity and doom slide off. Be aware they are only reflecting on what they know and that you are different. Actively encourage your internal thinking to negate what they say ('nope that is not the way I think') and perhaps try to change the conversation.

It can be difficult to be brave and courageous; to swim against the tide of opinion of friends and family. Sometimes it can spur you on and motivate you to prove them wrong, or inspire them to follow you but that is could be wearing you down, it may be time to practise the discernment of who is in your company and find a new tribe. This doesn't mean that you discard those old friends, it simply means that you start seeing new people and widening the circle of people with whom you interact.

It is easy to pop the bubble of somebody else without even realising. Be aware of your own words. Ask yourself from where they come from and the purpose of them.

Now I understand that the woman at the exercise class was concerned about the lad’s future prospects. She may have had a personal experience of ‘failure’ in taking an opportunity that didn't turn out. But what she was not aware of, was anything regarding the impact of her words. She cast doubt into the mind of the mother and listeners. She effectively created defeat in the mind of that mother as she was taken out to the future and had a painted picture of a dejected son, successful overseas, but reduced to living at home, on the dole after that. And that mother was deflated, wondering how she was going to now support her son's decision with such a grim picture in her mind.

And as for the second woman, the other mother. I imagine she was trying to prevent an imagined failure or control the stress in her son. She may have had an experience of things not going well before. If only she could have participated in finding her son's purpose and gone on to wish him well with her support in the career that this boy was so passionate about. This was his life to live.

Choose your words carefully.