When Something Trivial Defines You....

It was a beautiful blue sky day and the temperatures were around 29 degrees. The pool was looking cool, blue and refreshing and the kids were jumping in and out – had been for hours, having a fantastic time. I was sitting in the shade of an umbrella, but roasting! 

‘Come in mum’ the kids pleaded. 

Something was stopping me. I just couldn’t bring myself to join in with their watery fun. And it had been like that for years.

When I was young, I was enrolled into swimming classes, like every kid in New Zealand. It will be fun to swim they said. What they didn’t factor into consideration was that the learning of the swimming involved some shockingly cold water. It was an outside pool, and on the wintery side of the seasonal calendar. Yet, every day for 5 days, we were told to jump in and hold onto the side in preparation for the lesson. I distinctly remember the shock of the cold water (the days of heated water was as yet unheard of), my arms and hands purple with circulation at a blotchy minimum and my teeth chattering with a life that seemed to be of their own. Well I learnt to swim – of sorts. 

Later at primary school, in a particularly chilly part of New Zealand in which we lived, we had to do more swimming lessons and again it was the shock of the cold water that overrode any pleasure I may have had of splashing around with friends.  Somehow I managed to even gain a lifesaving certificate but I hated swimming, I hated my face in the water and I hated cold water.

Growing up, I avoided the pools or rivers or beaches, whenever possible. I was the one to mind the bags when we went to the river to celebrate high school finishing for the year.

But the really sad thing is that when I had my two children, my intense dislike of the water – not even a fear of water – a dislike of cold water, meant that I didn’t get into the pool with them.  Over time we had three houses and each house had a lovely swimming pool. There were parties around the pool and plenty of kids to splash in them, but I couldn’t get in myself. Even by now, a splash put me into a state of further avoidance and I’d go inside. 

It is crazy how a dislike had turned out into a definition of who I was. 'Oh mum never swims'.

Two years ago my Irish fellow and I holidayed in Gran Canaria, staying at a lovely apartment with a beautiful pool. I just couldn’t get in. I did manage to my ankles, and even though I could imagine how wonderfully refreshed I could be, I got out and I stayed in the shade, pretending that I would rather be reading a book, but wishing I could join in.

You get the message - I didn't like that cold water!

And now I am returning from Lanzarote. And I swam! I was in and out of that pool like a kid. It was lovely. I enjoyed rolling around in the water and floating in the coolness. I loved being with my Irish fellow in that pool. This was a milestone.

So what made the difference? I had been coached on this dislike of cold water before, a couple of times, over the years. But there had been no successful outcome at all. So at an mBIT training that I assisted at, a few weeks ago I picked that as my goal. No big deal, no tears, no trauma and no expectation. 

During the process what really surprised me was the feelings of sorrow I had having missed out on all those moments with my children - the family times. The seemingly aloof manner I had when that was not what I was wanting to be. This was my heart being sad about lost connective moments with my loved ones and being really wishful regarding swimming and joining in, in the future.

Then I was amazed at how my head came up with all the crap to justify my decision to stay on dry land! My mascara would run, and my hair colour would fade – sheesh. PATHETIC!

And so it was my gut that needed to be upgraded to ‘brave’ and ‘motivated’, to understand that it didn’t need to keep me stuck in a place of ‘protection’ from the experiencing that perception of cold. That it was able to support the heart in its wish for connection with others, and joy of the water. It is the gut that provides the ‘guts to do something’! As in get in the water.

The whole process was done on that training course as a demo. I am absolutely delighted that I got into the water in Lanzarote and joined my Irish fellow there, rather than feeling left out on the beach chair again.

I feel so liberated now! No longer held back by something so trivial.

mBIT coaching is incredible. The issue doesn’t have to be huge or traumatic. And the process isn’t traumatic either. The positive outcome from this has come from involving the head and it’s thinking processes, like coaching does, but it also involves the heart and the gut and this is the key difference of mBraining (using our multiple ‘brains’.) These two spaces have a collection of neurons that can be ‘neuroplastic’ – grow and change in their neuronal pathways meaning they can adapt; they hold memory too and they are able to show amazing wisdom that really help in feeling aligned.

I use mBIT within my coaching for healthy outcomes for clients and in life coaching but if you want to change how you feel about something seemingly insignificant (like cold water), or something is bugging you or you may be feeling stuck, let’s see how this works for you. Of course, I coach clients on the big stuff too. Because when it is our stuff and our problems, it seems HUGE!