Where Did Your Playful Go? Let's Get It Back!

It doesn’t snow in Dublin very often, but in March we got heaps as the ‘Beast from the East’ visited! It was beautiful – so clean, white, fluffy and really dry. Not like the heavy, wet snow we get in New Zealand. My fellow and I ran around outside like idiots. We dressed up in our ski gear, happy that this year we actually got to wear them after deciding to cancel our ski trip! We ‘skied’ on the road, took loads of snowy photos and built snowmen on the cars.

On a walk to the shop for supplies we came across three teenage boys just kicking around the snow in their front yard. They had their hands in their pockets and were just…. Kicking around in the front yard.

I picked up a ball of snow and packed it tightly. ‘Excuse me’ I asked them. They turned around and as I fired the snowball into their midst I asked them ‘Is this yours?’

Sometimes we take a look back on our lives and think wistfully, how did it get so serious? Was it the career? The mortgage? Turning 21? Turning 31? At what stage did I put away the me, who I was, and turn into the me who I am now? At what point did I unconsciously decide that life was a difficult event and needs to be treated so seriously with such somber aplomb! Who told me that I can’t laugh when I want to? Who says it is inappropriate? Well, you are not the only one to be questioning.

What does playful mean? A quick google search reveals plenty of definitions: done as a form of play rather than intended seriously, or wanting to have a good time and not feeling serious. And Thesaurus has many words – cheeky, cheerful, flirtatious, good-natured, impish, lively, spirited, mischievous, light hearted.

We play because it is fun and the biological benefits of play not only come in that moment of happiness but also later in our lifetime. The benefits come from the biological, social, physical and intellectual effects. So the idea of play includes things that may or may not be fun – rule-seeking, rule-breaking, rule-making, rule-changing acts that are core to learning new things, to research, to science, to exploring, risking, daring.

But engaging playfully in our day to day life makes it all that much more fun. Play can give a new perspective or tool, to solve a new challenge. Think of those players whose playfulness redefines art and revises our way of seeing the universe. Yes play involves breaking the ‘rules’ and having fun while doing so.

And this is where I love coaching ‘playful’. You see, playful is being lighthearted. Notice the reference to the heart? A light heart is a playful heart. A heavy heart is a serious, sombre often sad heart. We find the light heartedness again.

Playful also links to the creativity and innovation – the function of our head brains. It generates new ideas and allows change to the way things are done – easily done by being playing playfully.

So how do YOU become playful? Well it sure isn’t about running around with a green wig on and a fart cushion.

Playfulness is all about being vulnerable in a positive, inquisitive way – a 'let’s see what come of this!' mentality. You have to be in the moment with the people (or pets or things) you are with. You can be playful with yourself too, enjoying the presence of that moment with yourself. You are present enough to catch and respond to that moment with lightness, creativity and a willingness to let go and join in.

The possibly tricky part about being playful is to let yourself out to play. Going with the courage and accept the invitation to play. By being serious you are in control – but of what? Something self imposed? Something that might just need to be let go as you let up on yourself and allow your playful you to be a bigger player in your life. Think of the fun as you see opportunity and possibility, leaving self imposed controls behind. But here is the brave part. You have to risk being laughed at, feeling a bit of a twit, being childish or crazy. If you are able to be playfully brave, it doesn’t matter at all! Yes sometimes, you put your foot in it (I have laughed inappropriately at times), but a swift and sincere sorry often puts you back in the playground. In fact an inappropriately timed laugh has often broken the ice and allowed the other person to think quite differently to their serious situation. It can be provocative! Be open to surprise. Start with a smile and let that grow into a delighted smile. Laugh more readily. If being brave about doing this is the hard part, well that is coachable too!

And the really cool thing is that being playful is contagious. Others want to play too and you are sometimes the playful one holding the gate open for them to join you. People at the office, from your school, your family. People you meet on a date. It is commonly said that during a speed dating event, the participants would like the others to be more vulnerable. As vulnerability can only be expressed once you know and trust that person, perhaps they are looking for more light heartedness – more playful!

The payoff is huge and rewarding! Taking that brave step to allowing yourself to be lighthearted in a sincere and compassionate way is the short road to happiness for you and those around you. It is the path to fun.

Of course there is a blisspoint to being playful. You need to watch out that you don’t overstep the line and turn into an idiot. But mixed with compassion you keep an eye on that!

So think of how you can be playful. A pleasant walk by a lake can turn to raucous laughter as you throw rocks, directing the splash. Maybe adding a wink and a smile to your conversation. Dance or sing with people you love – or want to love. Laugh at the frolics of children or dogs. Be curious as to how you can be playful.

And as the snowball exploded in the middle of the group of teenagers, I laughed and ran away. And the magic spread. They started to laugh and immediately made snowballs and had an enormous fight. We could hear their antics a block away. (They weren’t actually the only people I threw snowballs at that day ;))

If you are looking for the playful you that you used to be, or worried that you may too easily overstep the line of playful, I can help you with that. In coaching with you we look for how you can value your playful self, hold the compassion and find the creativity to find the playful in the moments you are in. We will find the bravery within you to lighten up, to let go of the rules and self-imposed constraints and to spread the magic.

It’s a really fun coaching outcome!!